Yesterday I got a birthday package together for Marpa, which consisted of the VHS video of "Nine Queens" (a present from Kev), two months' worth of transit information (38 pages), a decorated birthday letter, a Garden Web thread called "Let's Write a Story"-with about a dozen different alternating authors, and a page of pictures of Paul in the Halloween costume that I made. In all, the package weighed one pound, six ounces, and so I found out from the P.O. website that I was going to need $5.05 postage. So I decided to go to the Marina del Rey Post Office at about 2:00 p.m. (to avoid the noon rush), but when I got there, there was a line out the door! Well, I didn't want to wait in that line, and so I decided to buy five $1.00 stamps from the machine. That would still leave me 5¢ short, but I knew I had a bunch of 5¢ stamps at home, and so I decided to go back home to get one and then ride my bike to the Venice Post Office, where I know there is a special outdoor box for this type of mail. I couldn't figure out how to get a 5¢ stamp from the machine, and I wasn't going to wait in line just for that either. I figured out that the reason they charge $5.05 is so that you will put more postage on by buying the wrong stamps, but I was not going to be fooled by that! At this point, I was about ready to declare war!

So I got back home (I had to go there anyway), put everything in the new envelope that I picked up at the Marina Post Office for this type of mail, put on a new address label, and attached the five $1.00 stamps and the one 5¢ stamp. Then I put the envelope in my black mesh backpack (which had turned partly white on the outside from sunscreen that had leaked out of the outer pocket) and got on my bike to go to the next post office. As I was going down Ocean Avenue and onto Venice Way, I noticed that there was a Mail Truck right on my tail. I knew the postman could see that I was carrying an official stamped Post Office envelope (throught the mesh backpack), and I was obviously on my way to mail it, and so I wondered why he did not stop and offer to take it from me. It didn't matter, I thought, because I was already a few blocks from the mailbox, and I didn't mind going there anyway.

Next, when I got to the mailbox, I decided to read the message that was posted on the lid of the box, and it said that it was illegal for me to mail any packages in this box that weighed over one pound, even if they had the correct postage, due to the threat of terrorist attack, and that I would have to go inside the post office building on the other side of the parking lot, wait in line, and hand it personally to a clerk! So I looked at the box next to it to see what kinds of messages they were putting on that one, and it looked like a similar message, except that someone had tried to erase it. This was at least the second time today that the post office was trying to sabotage me, and so I decided to mail the package anyway. First of all, how could they know that I read English? The message was not in any other language, and so I felt it must therefore be invalid. Besides that, how would they know when they empty the mailbox how much my package weighs? I didn't label the weight on it, and so I figured they would probably just take it into the post office, and then maybe no one would remember how it got there. I have to admit, however, that the video tape looked a little like a bomb, and I did wrap it up in a used Brazilian candy box that only had Portuguese and Spanish descriptions on it. This would be useful evidence, in case they want to accuse me of understanding English. I could have given this package to my Brazilian neighbor to mail, and I know she would not have taken the time to read their stupid message on the box.

Mail has not been delivered today yet, and so I will have to see if the post office decided to return the package to me. My greatest fear is that they will call the Bomb Squad or FBI and have the package destroyed without delivering it. I'll check with my counsel to see if this is legal. In any case, if they do not deliver it, I have plenty of evidence on them already.

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