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In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal
hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing
is please not to read notis.
In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the
tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the
next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and
only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button
for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons,
each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is
then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the
front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at
the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with
pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of
the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous
Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried
daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate
the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing
to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid
red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger;
roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country
people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend
courteous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because
is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow
Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and
sculptors that were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly
taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk
of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm
the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden
on our black forest camping site that people of different
sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent
unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining
guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested
that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted
by the latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of
water has been passed under the bridge since this variation
has been played.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend
the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven
city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like
to ride on your own ass?
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn
cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies
from their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed
to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even
a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags
and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first
visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not
to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you
have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and
other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all
the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll
find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition
of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger
of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously
at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle
him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: - English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
In a Nairobi restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses
rude ought to see the manager.
Polish Restaurant: As for the tripe served you at the Hotel
Monopol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren
on your deathbed
Paris Restaurant: We serve five o'clock tea at all hours
Bangkok Bar: The Shadiest Cocktail Bar in Bangkok
Swimming pool on the French Riviera: Swimming is forbidden
in the absence of a savior
Sri Lanka Swimming Pool: Do not use the diving board when
the swimming pool is empty
Torremolinos Hotel: We highly recommend the hotel tart
Hotel on the Ionian Sea: In order to prevent shoes from mislaying,
please don't corridor them. The management cannot be held.
Tel Aviv Hotel: If you wish breakfast, lift the telephone
and our waitress will arrive. This will be enough to bring
up your food
Istanbul Hotel: To call Room Service, please open the door
and call Room Service
Havanah Hotel: Guests are prohibited from walking around
the lobby in large groups in the nude
Beirut Hotel: Ladies are kindly requested not to have their
babies in the cocktail bar
Japanese hotel: We now have Sukiyaki Restaurant with lodging
facilities for those who want to have experiences on Japanese
Bedding
Mexico City: We sorry to advise you that by a electric disperfect
in the generator master of the elevator we have the neccessity
that don't give service at our distinguishable guests
Ankara Hotel: Please hang your order before retiring on your
doorknob
Gaspe Peninsula: No dancing in the bathrooms!
Madrid Hotel: If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence,
cry out for the chambermaid
Tokyo Hotel: Keep your hands away from unnecessary buttons
for you
Paris Hotel: A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but not
trousers
Paris Hotel: Tea in a bag, just like mother
Chinese Road Sign: Go soothingly on the greasy mud, for therein
lies the skid demon
French radio Station Sign-Off: We hope you enjoyed our nocturnal
emmissions and will be with us for more tomorrow
Barcelona Travel Agency Sign: Go Away
Amusement Ride Sign in Saudi Arabia: For your safety this
game is not allowed for those who suffer from hearts, diabetics,
nerves, high pressure and pregnants
Zanzibar Barbershop: Gentlemen's throats cut with nice sharp
razors
Israeli Butcher Shop: I slaughter myself twice daily
Highway Signs in India: Avoid Overspeeding. Always Avoid
Accidents
A collection of various signs, packages, T-Shirts and shopping
bags in Japan - Just Fit For You, King King - Ease Your Bosoms
- Fancy Pimple - Persistant Pursuit of Dainty - Vigorous Throw-up
- A drop of sweat is the precious gift for your guts - Tonight's
the bitch
Mexican City Hotel: Broken English spoken perfectly
On the grounds of a private school: No trespassing without
permission.
On an Athi River highway: Take notice: When this sign is
under water, this road is impassable
On a poster at Kencom: Are you an adult that cannot read?
If so, we can help.
One of the Mathare buildings: MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.
A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: Do not activate
with wet hands.
In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
In a cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers
from any but their own graves.
Hotel brochure, Italy: This hotel is renowned for its peace
and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock
here to enjoy its solitude.
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